Brother dearest,

We used to be friends, but all that changed over night. Now, I feel lonelier than ever. There just are certain things that only you would understand because you're the only other person with the same parents but I can't tell you cause I can't seem to forgive you. So I'll just make believe.

To a certain extent, I understand why you felt the need to do what you did. Some part of me even admires you because you had enough courage to confront your giants, although they weren't really giants to begin with, you're just delusional, which made it all wrong. I wish I had that kind of courage to fight for my dreams. Yet, I find myself sitting here tonight, trying desperately to find an alternative for a dream. People always say you should do something you love for a living. I know what I love, so what? This would've been the part you'd have said to screw whatever other people thought, and just do whatever I liked, cause it is after all my life. I would've agreed but then cowardly made a different decision, like how I've always done so. Yet, it would've been nice to have someone share this burden.

I've spent the last couple of weeks trying to find new interests, just so I can try to find some kind of future in them but to no avail. I haven't touched my cameras so I wouldn't even be tempted to consider it a part of my future, until I could resist no further and took the 450D out to play, not the 7D cause I thought I was letting it down too much. Yes, my cameras are magical. they have feelings. It sounds stupid, I know. Sometimes I think I'm going mad too.

What if this is the only thing I was made to do? And without it, I'd be good for nothing? Where do I go from here?

The answers are clear to me, but why isn't it as clear to them?

So,

what now?